What I've learned being a first time mom with a toddler

1. The world is a big and exciting place. The simplest of things, if as adults we really think about it, are quite remarkable and awe inspiring!

2. Just like a simple kiss from mom can fix their boo boo, a big cheesy crooked smile from them can fix your your achy heart. 

3. Having a toddler (or a baby in general) makes you surprise yourself sometimes on how much you can let yourself go because you have to just reserve your energy for other more important battles with your little one. Sometimes you just look down right ridiculous. 

( PS- This photo was not edited to be sepia- which i find to be a very unclassy way to edit photos, but I don't have the energy how to fix it with blogger ;))

4. You baby will ALWAYS look different and cuter to you than anyone else. You spend the most time with them, and you can see their potential grow right before you eyes. The sparkle in their eye, you can see their soul continue to pronounce itself day in and day out. There is so much beauty in their innocence as well as their curious mischief. 

5.  You have no idea what you are doing or what to do or how to be 95% of the time. And some how they always seem to know what they are doing! How do they always seem to know what they are doing??!!

6. How to be fearless. This is my favorite part about my Nhiya. She has always been fearless. I have never felt so much purpose out of one little human. Since before she was born, I knew she was just excited to be here and to experience EV.ER.Y.THING!

7. Jump in with both feet. "Great people do things before they are already." - Amy Poehler If you didn't know, Nhiya was our honeymoon baby. We knew we were meant to start a family soon after we were married, but I was still not all for it or even felt I was ready. The day I found out I was pregnant, I cried, REALLY hard. Because for one, I knew I wouldn't get the time I wanted with Alex, and my body would no longer be the same, neither would our lives. I was TERRIFIED. As i knelt in prayer, a feeling of absolute gratitude filled my entire being, and from that moment on, I knew that this is how it was always meant to be and from that moment I knew it was a girl. Throughout my pregnancy I could feel Nhiya's spirit. I felt as if I had conversations with her. Our souls knew each other already. that feeling has never faded, only gotten stronger. 

8.  You will do, and be, and say things you never thought you would do, or be, or say. "Get your finger away from your bum!" I ate ice off our carpet the other night like a dog because that was the game she wanted to play. I am now a scholar in interpreting "Nhiya Language" I taught her the words boobies and bum in the same day, because she honestly wanted to know. I also taught her the work vagina...... Her Bath time is full of educational questions from this girl 

9.  She teaches me more than I think I could EVER teach her. She is the one helping me work out my salvation, and making me figure out my sanity as well ;)

10.  Being happy is as simple as playing in the grass on a late afternoon. Nothing else has to matter than being with the people you love. EVER!

11. How to say "Hi!" to perfect strangers. No joke this girl gets so excited about saying hi to strangers  we see in the stores we go in. Sometimes if the store is small enough, as soon as we walk in the door she will just yell a general "HI!" to everyone there. I absolutely love it, and I hope she never stops. I can tell it makes a difference in some of their days. Catches people off guard just enough to maybe take them out of their bad mood their faces seem to hold onto. 

12. She is able to say and help other people feel loved, wanted, and needed that I love and want to feel that way but can't make them feel that way themselves. She just has a way with people. 

13. I NEVER knew this kind of love existed. A pure, happy, soul and body filling, painful but amazing, bigger than this world, innocent, unconditional kind of love. She literally makes my heart explode with happiness. I love nap time, but by the end of it, I always seem to miss her and her crazy hyper self. 

14. There is always hope, whether you take that hope to the next minute or the next day, week, or even year. I have a lot of flaws and have anxiety and depression that affects my abilities as a mom sometimes. But Nhiya has always been such a light in the darkness that seems to accompany those disabilities. It is definitely a learning curve, but she has never given up on me. She always has hope, even for the next moment, and that is contagious. Its been a road, and not one well traveled, but one I would never take back. 

I wrote this journal entry about a month before she was born. She is already fulfilling this in her short year and a half of life. 

11-11-12

" Nhiya will do great things, she might not be the president one day, or the prophet’s wife,  or a doctor, but I know that the impact she will have on our lives will be great. Her potential can already be felt by me, and her spirit was chosen to impact lives in the greatest of ways. The simple ways that help ordinary people to the world realize the extraordinary individual they are to their Father in Heaven.  And that is great."